HOT TAKES Episode 1

I’m always handing out hot takes like Atomic Bomb candies and Fireball shots on Christmas morning.  Well at some point they started taping them.  So hold on tight, cause Hot Takes will be coming your way. This week’s topic was “The President”. Topical.

 

My My My, MyAfton

I haven’t blogged in forever, so quit your bellyaching.  It won’t do us any good to go back in time and try to reverse all the damage that has been done.  A wise, well endowed man once sang:

I don’t give no apologies.

For all you longtime fans, you’ll recognize that as the title and titular line of “Apologies”.

Anyway I wanted to kick off the rebirth of this blog and site with just one example of the kind of stupid stuff that happens around here every damn day, in case you’re one of those people who finds it hilarious.  One of the main things we do at our parent company, Auburn Xtreme Entertainment LLC, is have email addresses.  One such email address is a sales address that gets emails for all our merch orders in the online store and that’s all it does.

Recently we received the following email at our sales (merch) address:

Screen Shot 2016-04-20 at 10.28.34 PM

I don’t really remember Ms. Kintz emailing us before at this address, but it may have gone to junk.  Then again I would probably remember it because this company has emailed basically every band I’ve ever been in, and I remember it because they have ‘Afton’ in the name.  When I was first starting out playing (at the time very terrible) music, I used to play a couple times a year in Afton, NY, which is a place most known for…me playing there.  At a glance I always see Afton in the name and get excited/afraid.  Excited that someone from those old days has stumbled upon the act and afraid that it’s someone confronting me about a child I may have created down there.

Remember how I said that every band I’ve been in has been approached by some Fakealotapuss at MyAfton?  It’s because all they are is a fake ‘talent agency’ that runs internet robots to gather email addresses from Bandcamp pages and send these stock booking emails to them.  Where is the only place on the internet that you can find our sales email?  You guessed it: Bandcamp.  Good job, take tomorrow off from work.

They say all life is sacred, but I’ll let you decide.  The point of MyAfton is to spam all the bands on Bandcamp, Facebook, etc. with these show offers that equate to you have to sell something between 15 – 100 advance tickets to the ‘show’ they ‘booked’ you at.  They keep the money, you get ‘exposure’ and by that they mean you get to keep a percentage of the money your friends and family shelled out on your presale tickets and have the honor of playing for the other three (high school) bands’ parents.  I’ve never actually fallen for the scam because a quick search the first time I got one of these immediately dug up about fifty posts from performers griping that it’s a pay-to-play scam.

Almost all of my star friends out there already know this about MyAfton, so what’s the point in going on about it?  Because today we decided to write them back:

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Even though Amy Kintz is a robot, some virgin over at MyAfton has to read these responses.  Now all they have to do is make our all-day concert at The Garden on Christmas Day a reality–I’m basically doing their work for them.  The last paragraph is what we call in the business an ‘homage’, it’s a reference to something else.  In this case I am referring to the exact type of scam they run, but making it sound like it’s cool and normal.  Then finally a little inside joke with the signature.  If you didn’t get it, just remember that Willy is a nickname for William.

Chernesky out.

 

P.S.  Happy 420 ya filthy animals!  Go on and get it!

NFL Picks – Week 2

Season Record:  11-4

Well, can’t gripe too much about last week.  I missed the Thursday game this week and as always I’m not picking the Bills game because I’m a giant homer and don’t even want to get into it, so you’ll get fourteen picks this week.

CAROLINA over Houston:  I’m bearish on the Panthers this year, but the Texans are starting Mallett sans a starting left tackle.  That makes it a wash for me, and in a wash you look at the better QB and/or the home team.  Carolina has both advantages so perhaps they’ll have a more inspiring performance than a less than convincing win over the Jaguars.

Arizona over CHICAGO:  TWEAK ALERT, TWEAK ALERT.  I had been calling this for the Bears all week, but this morning I had to tweak it like a salty nipple.  Arizona will be coming across the country for an early start time and will be trotting out Chris Johnson as the starter (groan).  With that said, Alshon Jeffery is riding pine and the Cards secondary should be capable of covering a receiving corps highlighted by Eddie Royal (groan).  Arizona’s run defense should be enough for them to squeak by in this one.

CINCINNATI over Sand Dawg:  Another West Coast team coming to play early in the East gives Cincy the edge.   Regardless, this should be a fun game to watch.

Tennessee over CLEVELAND:   I am a firm disbeliever in all things Johnny Football.  I think the Mariota show will dazzle another week before he hits a rookie valley.

Detroit over MINNESOTA:  The Lions are snakebitten off that loss in Sand Dawg last week.  If there’s anything left in the tank in Detroit they’ll pull past a struggling Vikings club.

NEW ORLEANS over Tampa Bay:  Nothing to see here, folks.

GIANTS over Atlanta:  My close game bone is a-tinglin’ on this one.  New York showed flashes against the Cowboys last week, could be enough to beat a traveling Falcons team.

PITTSBURGH over San Francisco:  I’m not convinced the Niners are for real this year, the Steelers should have enough to beat them at home.

St. Louis over WASHINGTON:  Can the Rams please trot out the players they got in the trade for RGIII for the coin toss again?  I never tire of that, it was one of my favorite coaching head games of all time.

Miami over JACKSONVILLE:  Is this really a road game for the Dolphins?  There may be more Miami fans in that stadium than Jaguars fans.

Baltimore over OAKLAND:  It’s not out of the realm of possibility that Baltimore could take back-to-back flights out west to get spanked, but let’s give Flacco the benefit of the doubt here that he can pull something out.

PHILADELPHIA over Dallas:  The Eagles should be able to bounce back against a Dez Bryant-less Cowboys squad.

Seattle over GREEN BAY:  This should be a really good game, but for some reason the Seahawks tend to have the Packers’ number, I think they may squeak by.

INDIANAPOLIS over Jets:  I’d like to think the Colts are a decent team that a great Bills team dismantled.  If they lose to the Jets at home, then maybe the emperor has no clothes.

 

NFL Picks – Week 1

If you’ve ever seen any blogs I’ve written for in the past, I try to do NFL picks each season.  I never pick the Bills games because that’s a lose-lose situation for me.  Caps indicates the home team.   Well let’s kick things off:

NEW ENGLAND over Pittsburgh:  You can count me among the masses hating on the Patriots these days, mainly because I always hate the Patriots so I’ll take any excuse, but history has taught us that club feeds off bad press.  They’ll unfortunately be trotting Brady out on the field and they’ll make light work of a Steelers team that was decimated by my Bills in the preseason.  As always, hopefully I’m wrong here.

Green Bay over CHICAGO:  Not a lot to say here.  The Packers are good, the Bears are…a football team.  When I first wrote this pick I had “Green Back” winning.  Another win for the almighty dollar.

Kansas City over HOUSTON:  Should be a close one, but I’ll take the Chiefs.

Carolina over JACKSONVILLE:  This was going to be my upset special of the week, but I just can’t pull the trigger.  As much as I think the Jaguars could surprise, I find it hard to believe the Panthers will actually lose this game.

NY JETS over Cleveland:  I suppose someone has to win this game.  I’m sorry to anyone who has to watch it.

ST. LOUIS over Seattle:  This will be my upset special of the week.  It could happen.

Miami over WASHINGTON:  Not sure the next week I’ll be picking Washington to win a game, it may be a while.

New Orleans over ARIZONA:  This should be a bounce-back year for the Saints and though the Cardinals can hang with them, I expect New Orleans to Brees by.  Get it?

SAN DAWG over Detroit:  This could be a decent match for sure.  Both teams have a lot to prove this season.

DENVER over Baltimore:  Denver fans won’t be the only ones ‘mile high’ watching this game.

Cincinnati over OAKLAND: Oakland is getting better, so they will put up a fight here.

TAMPA BAY over Tennessee:  In the battle of the #1 and #2 picks in the draft, you’ve got to go with #1.

DALLAS over NY Giants:  We’ll see which Cowboys team shows up this year.

Philly over ATLANTA:  Get your popcorn ready for this one.

Minnesota over SAN FRAN:  I instinctively started typing out a 49ers win, but then realized I didn’t have a good reason to think that.

T-Shirt Preorder One Week Only!

Starting today through 8/31/15 we’ll be taking preorders for the newest TGC shirt design: The United States of Whiskey.

 

tgc shirt bandcamp

If you order anytime in August you will get the shirt shipped free when they get printed in early September.  You can order the shirt here:

https://chernesky.bandcamp.com/merch/great-chernesky-united-states-of-whiskey-t-shirt-pre-sale

Make sure to pick yours up today, shipped to you for only $10!

New Merch

I am told new merch is coming.  The old p*** poor online store will be totally redone with new items, better shipping policies, and just all around good times.

We’ll also be doing some t-shirt preorders soon that I highly recommend you jump on.  I’ll post more info when I get it.

Chernesky out.

Shows Spring 2015

I am told the details are being hashed out for a few TGC shows this coming Spring.  Does that involve smoking hash?  I don’t know, but I assume it does.  If that’s the case I feel left out.

Anyways you can book your own night of Greatness, you don’t need to be an official venue or promoter.  House shows and general hootenannies get the job done just fine.  Booking is through Auburn Xtreme Entertainment and is as easy as emailing [email protected]